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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Whats in a blog?

How far would you write in your blog? Sigh! Sometimes there are soooo many things I want to jot things jot in here, but when it comes into personal matter, I always hold myself back.

The things I write may be the feelings I have at this point of time, but I might regret writing them afterwards.. once I am cooled off! How fake can that be? I dont want to hurt other people's feeling.. or maybe its just me.. being traditional about keeping our own matters behind doors...

Sigh! It's not easy to be a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom), which almost every one who hasnt experience it will think otherwise! I think, .. i mean, I believe it is the toughest job on earth, after the labour room lah! I cant simply go to the loo anytime I needed too, cant simply go out with friends ~ hafta make appointment at least 2 days in advance, cant sleep when I am sleepy..Cant just drop everything else, without considering the child's feelings / comfortness... because no one is tending to the child! How much I hated when friends would always related my lifestyle as compared to the Datins... "They dont understand it", as I would always calm myself.

I dont know, maybe its only me.. the only SAHM that feels down when she feels unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed after all the ah so's dirty job the whole day running after the kid, sweaty, untidy hair, oily face..... You cant rest, when the kid is on the run.. You cant (or dont dare) to leave the kid alone in the living room.. just in case!! And I dont trust TVs nor any educational videos teaching my kid what to do and what not to do without me around.. When it comes to that programme, it has to be interactive where we would always talk about the things we see on TV!

It is until when the real WORKING people comes home makes me feel low as the working people will start talking non-stop to each other about work, forgetting to say "HI, How was your day, darling" to the poor missy! as if I am a tiny ant, unseen, unheard.. The most frequent sentence spoken to me is,"Hey!!!! Take care of Christian, he is climbing the table / disturbing the computer / phone / etc etc etc..". Well, I am also the child watcher 24/7!!

I remembered once upon a time, met a new friend in some gathering. She asked which company am I attached to. I told her that I work at home, as a full-time mom. She frown and said,"I mean, which industry?". I almost told her off, just because being a SAHM doesnt get monthly salary doesnt mean that it didnt contribute to the economy of the country. But then again, I didnt want to put myself as low as the way the she thought .. so.. I smiled and excused myself.

hmm.. what the heck.. feeling better now.. I guess blogs do help too! It works as a therapy to release whats in the brain... I just needed to be 'heard'

Of course I love my family, my dearest hubby and darling lil C.. just that taking off with 10 minutes a day, keeps the monkey away! (ok, 10 minutes has past!)

Tired! Toodles!


sharon said...

Hi mummy..poor thing! Tho we don't get to meet up often, i feel reading your blog do update me with ur daily life with lil C.So keep on blogging!

Celine said...

Hi darling sharon.. Thanks for hearing me out! Miss you much!! Muax!

Jewelle said...

Celine, I am a SAHM too, for 3 years now. For me, my biggest gripe is also not having enough time to do things for myself although I think I am also guilty of sacrificing some times which could be spent with the kids, to do my own things, like my computer work. To those who thinks we have it easy has definitely never had to do what we do. Datin life, my foot. I also don't have any amah. But I accept that its a phase in my life, when the kids are still so dependent on me and I guess when you have that mentality, it does help to minimise the moment of "why am I in this situation?!" At the same time, I also believe that we SAHM should try to make time to do our own things, just as a breaktime. I find that when I do, I will go back to my childrearing job with a better state of mind.

Elaine said...

I know how you feel, I often feel that way too and I rant it in my blog. Spending some time in front of the pc is real good rejuvenating...

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