Trip to Singapore

hmmm... after planning for almost a year, finally I am going to Singapore to attend the CGS course. Didnt realise I have to leave so soon.. Part of me are in tears, worrying, crying and missing lil C (already!!) and part of me told myself that I am doing for all of us here!

This morning (sat), I left lil C with his grandparents, hadda do some last minute errands for this 10 days trip (as usual). Just before I left home around 8am, lil C woke up and cried, looking for me. I went to pick him up and he refused to let me go... I just hadda leave, and Papa who hasnt gone to worked yet calmed him.

I left.. the next thing I knew was that he did the same thing to papa.. Poor grandparents hadda lure him to the golfclub so that he would let Papa go to work.

When I came back around noon, SIL was at PIL's house. So lil C was happy, playing with Isaac. He told me that tomoro, Mama will go to 'work'. I nodded and he said okay, gave me the 'permission' to leave tomorrow.

When I gave him his night bathe and changed to his PJs, he saw our family photo taken at McDonalds when he was only about 4 months old, celebrating cuz Ian's 2nd birthday. He said, "McDonalds! Look, there's PaPa, MaMa & Christian"... then, out of the sudden, he bursted in tears,"Why PaPa & MaMa have to go work???? Me alone!!!" and he repeated the sentences.

That was the saddest moment I had ever felt.. I was almost in tears too..
I was speechless... Am I selfish? WHy did I decide to leave him? But its only for 10 days!!!! Not that I had never leave him before..!! Sigh!!!! But this time is totally different.. He understands more now... sigh!!! SIGH!!!! Mixed feelings again..

He will be okay! He will be fine... *sniff*

Dear God, please protect my precious (two of them) when I am not around.. and please let me be home safe & sound so I can continue taking care of them. Thank you!